Mrs Smith is now blogging at
http://www.mrssmithin2011.blogspot.com
If you highlight it and click the right mouse button you can then go straight there - honestly.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 - That's all folks
Whilst my mother-in-law christmased with us her house was visited by a mouse, Dangermouse. He ate the lagging to the pipework in her attic and caused water to cascade through her entire house - think floating furniture. She cleverly got a plumber and has loss adjusters on standby. Poor mother-in-law, but it makes more interesting news than my flu which, incidentally, is still with us.
Oh Goodness Me, it's the last day of the year and here I am moaning on. I would like to greet next year feeling as fit as a flea; I feel like a flea with bubonic plague who is a bit too fatigued to pass it on.
Now let's look at my great achievments of 2010:-
Um er. Yeah. I walked across the country. I became cupcake queen. I learned to salsa. I learnt to make stained glass windows. I swam a mile. I did some cooking. That'll do. Some of those are achievements of which I am quite proud.
After much deliberation of what to call next year's blog it's: www.mrssmithin2011.blogspot.com. See you all there.
Oh Goodness Me, it's the last day of the year and here I am moaning on. I would like to greet next year feeling as fit as a flea; I feel like a flea with bubonic plague who is a bit too fatigued to pass it on.
Now let's look at my great achievments of 2010:-
Um er. Yeah. I walked across the country. I became cupcake queen. I learned to salsa. I learnt to make stained glass windows. I swam a mile. I did some cooking. That'll do. Some of those are achievements of which I am quite proud.
After much deliberation of what to call next year's blog it's: www.mrssmithin2011.blogspot.com. See you all there.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Have a nice day - don't you dare.
I had a most satisfactory morning shouting at people and making things go my way. I took myself to Kingston and took back stupid, actually ridiculous, salad servers given to us by mother-in-law. No wonder they weren't much cop, she didn't spend much.
I bought myself some superior chopping boards with plastic labels hinting what you must chop on each one. They come in a smart steel holder and look frightfully professional. We can't understand all the pictures and so will subversively chop meat on the vegetable one and cross contaminate away like we have been doing for the last 50 years. They were marked with the wrong price so I made the assistant go and check and bring me the right ones at the right price. That's better. Good heavens, what are assistants for if not to assist and put up with me being horrible to them?
I moaned in Gap that the slippers Mr Smith bought me were stupidly small. Apparently they are American sizes and my British feet are much too large. I got a bigger size; I'm not sure I like them all that much any more but Thank you nice assistant in Gap for being the only person not to irritate me all morning.
I shouted at the man who washed my car because he insisted on using wax when I asked him not to. They charge extra and I didn't want to pay it. He then had no change. I paid him a few pounds and wished him a rotten New Year. I'm in that sort of mood. I took delight in making the idiot girl ring up my purchases in Whitestuff then changing my mind and paying cash thus rendering a till inoperable for the rest of the day. I refused to touch the fishmonger's smelly plastic bag handle and got him to place my purchases in my own bag without touching anything - I gave him the exact money along with a withering look. I tried on a coat that was much too small (the same one as earlier in the week in a different branch). I nearly wrenched off the button - woops. I pointed out the "faulty" button and told the girl to mend it. There was a dreadful mess on the floor of the dustpan and brush department of John Lewis. They told me they couldn't clear it up because it wasn't their job; they had to send for a cleaner. I asked the young man exactly how fucking idle you have to be to work in John Lewis?
I can't think of anyone else to whom I was beastly but the day is but young. Actually, if this cough doesn't improve I may be dead by the end of it.
I bought myself some superior chopping boards with plastic labels hinting what you must chop on each one. They come in a smart steel holder and look frightfully professional. We can't understand all the pictures and so will subversively chop meat on the vegetable one and cross contaminate away like we have been doing for the last 50 years. They were marked with the wrong price so I made the assistant go and check and bring me the right ones at the right price. That's better. Good heavens, what are assistants for if not to assist and put up with me being horrible to them?
I moaned in Gap that the slippers Mr Smith bought me were stupidly small. Apparently they are American sizes and my British feet are much too large. I got a bigger size; I'm not sure I like them all that much any more but Thank you nice assistant in Gap for being the only person not to irritate me all morning.
I shouted at the man who washed my car because he insisted on using wax when I asked him not to. They charge extra and I didn't want to pay it. He then had no change. I paid him a few pounds and wished him a rotten New Year. I'm in that sort of mood. I took delight in making the idiot girl ring up my purchases in Whitestuff then changing my mind and paying cash thus rendering a till inoperable for the rest of the day. I refused to touch the fishmonger's smelly plastic bag handle and got him to place my purchases in my own bag without touching anything - I gave him the exact money along with a withering look. I tried on a coat that was much too small (the same one as earlier in the week in a different branch). I nearly wrenched off the button - woops. I pointed out the "faulty" button and told the girl to mend it. There was a dreadful mess on the floor of the dustpan and brush department of John Lewis. They told me they couldn't clear it up because it wasn't their job; they had to send for a cleaner. I asked the young man exactly how fucking idle you have to be to work in John Lewis?
I can't think of anyone else to whom I was beastly but the day is but young. Actually, if this cough doesn't improve I may be dead by the end of it.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Slippery moments
I have cleaned our kitchen and nobody can ever enter it again. There was an unfortunate incident with some salad dressing and my Prada shoes. I now have a kitchen floor on which you could ice skate and very shiny shoes with a faint whiff of vinegar about them. Oh well, at least it looks less like Baghdad.
I still feel very unwell; so does Mr Smith. It's probably his turn as he has been rather good throughout Christmas. I have now used up my entire energy walking the dog and performing household tasks and feel my bed beckoning; move over Mr Smith. We're down to the last Lemsip. Maybe we will just cancel New Year.
I still feel very unwell; so does Mr Smith. It's probably his turn as he has been rather good throughout Christmas. I have now used up my entire energy walking the dog and performing household tasks and feel my bed beckoning; move over Mr Smith. We're down to the last Lemsip. Maybe we will just cancel New Year.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sleeping soundly
Since my return from my ill advised shopping trip, which really made me feel very unwell, I have done nothing but sleep. Perhaps I have narcolepsy; perhaps I am just worn out by Christmas and this awful flu germ I have been battling with day after day. Oh how I hate being ill because it's so boring. The only interesting thing is my horrific cough and the strange rasping noise my chest makes as I exhale. I want to create things and take my dog for a long walk. I want to cook exciting things for New Year. I want to have fun with my children. I need some sea air but my flat is let to other people enjoying the sea air. I just need some energy.
My mother-in-law leaves today and, although I will miss her when she's gone, I am quite looking forward to it just being us again. The dog gets back his space on the sofa and all formality of meals will be instantly relaxed. She is very nice and I am lucky to have such a dear mother-in-law but she could win the Uriah Heap award for obsequiousness which becomes maddeningly irritating after a while. So I am quite looking forward to her taking her ever such humble arse back to Yorkshire.
To all of you who have done your September dot to dots on your calendars, have you coloured in your Junes? Next Year I think all months will be d.i.y. More fun.
My mother-in-law leaves today and, although I will miss her when she's gone, I am quite looking forward to it just being us again. The dog gets back his space on the sofa and all formality of meals will be instantly relaxed. She is very nice and I am lucky to have such a dear mother-in-law but she could win the Uriah Heap award for obsequiousness which becomes maddeningly irritating after a while. So I am quite looking forward to her taking her ever such humble arse back to Yorkshire.
To all of you who have done your September dot to dots on your calendars, have you coloured in your Junes? Next Year I think all months will be d.i.y. More fun.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sailing to the Sales
Best Christmas present: New kitchen knives from my mother - with which to stab members of my family.
Worst: It's a toss up between the Coronation Street teapot and a pair of very beautiful white slippers in completely the wrong size..
Still feeling pretty unwell with a gloriously awful hacking cough that sounds like consumption, I was a bit fed up with staring at the four walls and an ugly teapot. Therefore I thought an outing for me and mother-in-law to the Sales was a grand idea. Mr Smith started with "There will be no bus service" followed by "The crowds will be insufferable" then "Nothing will be open before 12." Oh I am so pleased I never listen to a word he says. A bus arrived in a few minutes to whisk us to Westfield which opened at ten. We shopped spaciously with very few people, watched the ice skating, bought some bargains and tried on a tiny weeny beautiful red coat but it was just too small, got proper slippers to replace the cinderella sized ones Mr Smith had bought me and looked at all the expensive shops such as Gucci, Prada, Tiffany and Dior. We had a thoroughly excellent outing and didn't have to put up with any tutting or sighing from Mr Smith. I did feel pretty exhausted by the time we got home and I really did not aid my recovery from this awful germ by trudging round Shepherd's Bush on such a freezing cold day. However, I had a lovely time and proved Mr Smith wrong - Oh so happy.
Worst: It's a toss up between the Coronation Street teapot and a pair of very beautiful white slippers in completely the wrong size..
Still feeling pretty unwell with a gloriously awful hacking cough that sounds like consumption, I was a bit fed up with staring at the four walls and an ugly teapot. Therefore I thought an outing for me and mother-in-law to the Sales was a grand idea. Mr Smith started with "There will be no bus service" followed by "The crowds will be insufferable" then "Nothing will be open before 12." Oh I am so pleased I never listen to a word he says. A bus arrived in a few minutes to whisk us to Westfield which opened at ten. We shopped spaciously with very few people, watched the ice skating, bought some bargains and tried on a tiny weeny beautiful red coat but it was just too small, got proper slippers to replace the cinderella sized ones Mr Smith had bought me and looked at all the expensive shops such as Gucci, Prada, Tiffany and Dior. We had a thoroughly excellent outing and didn't have to put up with any tutting or sighing from Mr Smith. I did feel pretty exhausted by the time we got home and I really did not aid my recovery from this awful germ by trudging round Shepherd's Bush on such a freezing cold day. However, I had a lovely time and proved Mr Smith wrong - Oh so happy.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Happy Boxing Day
Many people spend Boxing Day performing healthy pursuits such as hunting or walking or running up hills. Not us. Oh No Sir; we do Christmas all over again with more people and presents and food and wine and merriment. We like to celebrate Christmas over two days. Actually, we really like to prolong it for about five then, when completely saturated by the whole thing, we stagger into New Year and have a repeat performance. Well, we cannot be accused of not knowing how to enjoy ourselves.
It's my turn for cooking today. Sensible Alison really did a good show yesterday and I thought I would never eat again but, suddenly, I am feeling quite hungry and in need of a gift (and not another stupid teapot). My parents are gracing us with a visit. Although my mother is definitely barmy and can be extremely nasty, she's not a bad present giver. My father is just quietly charming. They don't tend to stay for very long as they are positively Ant and Bee in their buzzing around and I am sure will be going on to annoy another family member for tea after us. So it's a case of "What have you got us? OK you can stay for lunch. Now go." That's how family Christmas visits should be. Mr Smith's mother seems to have moved in.
It's my turn for cooking today. Sensible Alison really did a good show yesterday and I thought I would never eat again but, suddenly, I am feeling quite hungry and in need of a gift (and not another stupid teapot). My parents are gracing us with a visit. Although my mother is definitely barmy and can be extremely nasty, she's not a bad present giver. My father is just quietly charming. They don't tend to stay for very long as they are positively Ant and Bee in their buzzing around and I am sure will be going on to annoy another family member for tea after us. So it's a case of "What have you got us? OK you can stay for lunch. Now go." That's how family Christmas visits should be. Mr Smith's mother seems to have moved in.
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